


I Think You're My Best Friend

by jordanparissh



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Bucky, M/M, Top Steve, a lot of other stuff, but im lazy so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-20
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-13 22:48:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3399125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jordanparissh/pseuds/jordanparissh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is the ticket seller at the cinema. Steve doesn't get there in time to see the movie, but he does find a new "friend".<br/>A 'friends with benefits' thing is the last thing Steve needs, but he accepts it anyways.</p><p>(Title from Fall Out Boy's song 'The Kids Aren't Alright)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Falling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ttyrionlannister](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttyrionlannister/gifts).



Steve runs as fast as he can in the streets, trying to gather enough air to keep going. The front door of the cinema is empty, which doesn’t make it hard for him to get inside, but that could also mean the movie’s already started, so maybe it’s not that good. He curses himself for leaving his phone in the car, in his rush to get out, because now he has absolutely no idea of what time is it.

As he walks inside the cinema, looking at the movie posters and all that, Steve notices that there’s not one living soul in the corridor. When he gets to the giant desk where they sell tickets, there’s only one guy, sitting comfortably behind a computer.

“Is it too late to see that movie?” Steve asks, not bothering to say hi, pointing at the poster on the wall.

“I think so, man. It started twenty minutes ago. You already lost the best part.” The guy answers, not even looking at him.

“Damn my job.”

His boss, Nick, had forced him to stay until after 10pm in the office, trying to find out who was it that was invading their system and posting memes everywhere. Kids these days have nothing to do with their lives, really. Also, working for S.H.I.E.L.D. sucks. It’s like he never has any time off.

“Damn my job, you mean.” The guy says, and oh, yes, Steve was actually talking to someone.

“You don’t like it here?”

“If you had to work everyday behind a computer selling tickets to people that are going to have fun and eat popcorn while you have to stay working, you would hate it too.”

“I do work all day behind a computer, though.” Steve says, smiling.

The guy looks up at him. He’s got captivating green eyes, kind-of-long hair all messed up, and a gorgeous face. Oh, well, hello. Steve also notices his shoulders are broad and his arms strong. Nice body, nice face and nice voice. Steve might be in love. Too bad he’s too shy to do anything about it.

“Well, then you know what it’s like.” The guy comments, sounding bored.

“I do, yeah. Think I’m not going to catch that movie now. Can I talk to you for a while? Don’t wanna go back home.”

“Got a tough wife waiting for you?”

Steve laughs openly. A wife? Steve? Please. Not even if he liked women. He’s got the worst game ever, has only dated a couple of guys so far in his life, ‘cause he really does suck.

“No, no, no wife, oh my god.” He says, still laughing. “I’m not even attracted to women, Jesus.”

“Yeah, me neither.” The guy says, and well, that’s a good information. Great information. “Why don’t you wanna go home, then?”

“Because I’m all alone there. I don’t like it.”

The guy keeps looking at him for a few moments, staring, like he’s trying to figure out what to say. Steve understands by now that he’s not really good with words – or with people – at all, so he doesn’t push the conversation any further.

“What’s your name?” The guys asks, looking at Steve, eyes piercing.

“Steve. Yours?”

“You can call me Bucky.” The guy – Bucky – answers.

And that’s it. After that, Steve makes easy conversation with him, small talk, mostly. They talk about their jobs, most of all, and while sometimes Steve tells him stuff that happened inside the government (that he shouldn’t be telling anyone, but well, Bucky is pretty), sometimes it’s Bucky telling him stories that happened right where Steve’s standing, and inside the many rooms. Steve laughs loudly of most of those stories, while Bucky doesn’t even smile. It’s kind of weird, talking to someone that doesn’t show many emotions, definitely something new for Steve, but about an hour later he realizes that he likes Bucky.

They could be friends, he figures, if Bucky wanted to. Steve definitely does.

It’s not until midnight, when Steve’s legs are aching because of his standing and his face because of so much smiling, and when people are leaving the room where the movie he should’ve watched was playing, that they put an end to their talk. Bucky gets up and stretches, giving Steve a really nice view of his defined body, before telling him that his shift is over, and that he’s going home now.  
Steve almost asks if he wants to eat something together, right now. Almost. He’s not that brave, though, so he accepts his fate and settles for going home as well, but not before saying goodbye to Bucky and telling him how nice it was to talk to him.

Even though it’s the same thing as talking to a wall, it was nice. Steve doesn’t tell him that part, obviously. Although Bucky might already suspects, if the way his face shifts surprised for half a second (or less) when Steve is actually nice with him.

He leaves without getting Bucky’s phone number, or anything at all. All he knows is a name, a workplace and a really pretty face.

\--

Steve tries very hard to convince himself that he doesn’t need to return to the cinema. It doesn’t work, though – when Friday comes, exactly a week after the first time, he finds himself walking the same streets, after work. He reaches his destiny soon enough. Not enough to catch the 10pm movie, but that’s exactly the intention, so no harm done.

He runs through the hall, knowing that it will make him look like an actual desperately late person, which is definitely not the case.

“Has it started already?” he breathes, looking straight at Bucky.

“Yes. Rough night at work again?” Bucky mutters, looking down at his computer screen, and if he hadn’t talked to Steve, it would look like he didn’t even acknowledge his presence there.

“Yep,” Steve lies. It was a rather calm night, but he stayed late to have the excuse to go see Bucky after.

Bucky doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even look at him. He’s getting kind of desperate, ‘cause he needs to talk to Bucky. That’s the only reason he’s come here, after all. So he just blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

“I kind of wish I had a wife to go back to right now.”

So maybe he should just keep his mouth shut and go home, if he’s going to say shit like that.

Surprisingly, Bucky smiles. He _smiles_. Something that Steve hasn’t seen yet, and it’s such a pretty smile, small and confident and catching, that Steve thinks that maybe embarrassing himself and saying stupid things might be worth it, if it makes Bucky smile like this.

He’s astonished by how pretty Bucky is.

“Feel free to stay and talk to me, then. I’m bored.”

“You using me to entertain yourself, Bucky?”

“I think you can be very entertaining, yes. Just by standing there and looking hot. But you should talk to me, anyways.”

Oh. That was really unexpected, to the point where Steve, who’s always got an smart answer, is silent. He figures Bucky might be feeling a little reckless tonight.

He’s finally able to laugh, openly, a few moments later, but he thinks that maybe Bucky’s a bit annoyed by people laughing.

The way Bucky makes him laugh all night (as in, until midnight) makes him reconsider the thought.

\--

It’s the fourth week already. There are several things he knows about Bucky now – he lives alone in a small and shitty apartment, not far from the cinema; he’s a cat person; he dreamed to join the army, but life got in the way and it didn’t work out; he wants to quit his job _so_ hard, but he can’t afford it; his boss is an idiot; his family is nice, but they live in another state, so he hasn’t seem them in a long while, and won’t be seeing them anytime soon; his type is blonde and muscular.

That last information, particularly, happens to be Steve’s favorite, considering _he’s_ blonde and muscular. The only thing that would make him happier is if Bucky, by some miracle, decided he wants an actual relationship, like Steve does. Unfortunately, Bucky doesn’t seem to be giving up on his one-night-stands right now. Or ever.

Any of that drags Steve down, though, ‘cause he’s come to be happy with just Bucky’s friendship. Of course he’s still as sexually frustrated as always, and Bucky _obviously_ doesn’t help with that, (neither does Natasha, trying to find him female dates) but at least now he’s got something other than work and co-workers to get distracted.

Even not feeling well, he leaves work on the fourth Friday the same time as always, and heads straight to the cinema. At this point, he’s stopped pretending he’s trying to actually watch any movies. Bucky knows Steve’s got nothing to do Friday night, and they both like each other’s company, so that’s that. They’re friends. And Steve’s not _at all_ disappointed, sad or mad that Bucky didn’t give him his number, or e-mail, or anything that provides contact. Not at all.

And he knows Bucky wouldn’t like it if he kept asking for any of that, so he doesn’t. He’s happy with just a couple of hours in the cinema.

This night, though, it’s not happening, apparently. When Steve gets there, Bucky isn’t sitting in his chair, where there’s a blonde girl that tells him she has no idea why Bucky couldn’t go to work, she’s just replacing him.

It’s a sad Friday. Not only Steve spends the night alone watching tv shows, but he also finds out that there’s not an eatable thing in his fridge, and he’s not inclined to do any groceries at this time.

\--

It turns out that on Saturday afternoon, after he’s done with his daily gym session already, Steve finds enough motivation to go to the supermarket and do some groceries.

It’s a short ride, considering.

He’s halfway through his shopping list (that contains everything unhealthy in the world) when he spots a familiar head with long brown hair on top of it. It’s far from him, at the fruit isle, so he’s not entirely sure it’s Bucky. He tries to analyze everything: they _look_ like Bucky, but still. New York is a really big city.

Steve returns to his groceries, still staring at the person every once in a while. He’s more than happy to realize there’s fruit in his list, so he walks straight to the same isle the person is.

His heart beats faster when he gets closer and faces Bucky’s green eyes.

“Oh. Hi.” Bucky mumbles. His nose is red, his eyes teary, and he’s got a fair amount of oranges in his hands. His voice is different too.

“You weren’t there yesterday.” Steve says – and regrets it instantly, ‘cause 1.he sounds like a sociopath and 2.he didn’t say hi back.

“Yeah.” Bucky mutters, simply, and continues looking for the perfect orange. “Just the flu. Yesterday I was basically dying. And I wasn’t sure you were going there anyways, so I just stayed in under my blankets.”

Steve smiles.

“You know I would go there.”

Bucky raises his eyes, throwing him a sort of annoyed look. Steve’s smile doesn’t falter, though – he gets the feeling that annoying Bucky might be something he really enjoys doing. Teasingly so. In a way that couldn’t make Bucky really angry with him.

“No, I didn’t. And I don’t have anyway of contacting you.”

“Give me your number, then.”

Bucky looks at him, an unreadable look on his eyes, holding an orange in his hands. For a moment, Steve wonders if he shouldn’t have asked for his number. Well, it’s out now, so he occupies his mind by getting a better look of Bucky.

Steve notices that without the red cinema uniform, Bucky’s eyes are even greener. Or maybe it’s the grey sweater he’s wearing – an oversized one, with the sleeves to long and obviously large on the waist and shoulders, and it looks a lot like one of Steve’s clothes would look on him.

He really should stop thinking about Bucky wearing his clothes.

He looks around, both of them uncomfortable for a few moments, and then Bucky mutters ‘phone?’, and Steve hands it to him, taking the few oranges he chose from his hands to allow him to put his number in Steve’s phone.

It feels like winning a marathon.

It feels like winning _two_ marathons, one followed by the other, when Bucky smiles at him when returning his phone and getting his oranges back. It’s a small smile, and he’s acutely aware that it looks kind of weird and very endearing. Steve answers with a wide one, unable to contain himself.

He leaves the market forty minutes later, after finishing his shopping and helping Bucky with his own, giving him tips on what’s good for the flu.

Even though Bucky doesn’t accept a ride home in his motorcycle, Steve goes home happy. He knows he can’t ask too much from Bucky, or else he’ll run a way the same instant.

It’s weird how they’ve only talked a few times and for a short amount of hours, but Steve already knows what’s acceptable and what’s not in their relationship.

\--

Steve doesn’t get the time or opportunity to call or text Bucky. In fact, the week passes without giving him enough time to take a deep breath. It’s one of the hardest and most sleep-deprived weeks of the year, due to work.

He goes to the cinema on Friday anyways. Barely awake, yes, but Bucky’s been the only person able to cheer him up lately. Which is weird for several reasons – he doesn’t _know_ Bucky, they’re not actual friends, they don’t hang out much, and Natasha and Clint used to cover that job pretty well. Maybe it’s just that everyone else isn’t interesting when compared to Bucky.

And Bucky isn’t even _that_ interesting, so it’s probably just Steve being a problematic human being, and also a very fond-of-green-eyed-cuties-that-don’t-talk-much human being.

“You look dead.” Is the first thing Bucky says, the moment he lays his eyes on Steve. He’s got a grin on his face, mocking Steve.

He just throws Bucky the most annoyed look he can fake right now. “Thanks.”

“No, but really.” Bucky’s smile is gone now. “Tough day?”

“More like tough _week_.”

“You need coffee. My shift ends at midnight, and some places are still gonna be open. What do you think?”

Wait, wait. Is Bucky actually inviting him for coffee? As in, hanging out somewhere that isn’t the cinema desk?

Wow. Steve might be probably dreaming. He fell asleep on top of the desk, that’s it. He’s waking up at any moment now.

Except he isn’t.

“It’s alright if you don’t want to. You do need some sleep, apparently.” Bucky says, looking up at Steve. He’s got a kind of worried look on his face.

“Oh, no. No. I mean, yes, I want to. I’m just, you know, surprised. We’ll go at midnight then.”

Bucky smiles for a second, before resuming his activity on the computer. He doesn’t ask the reason for Steve’s surprise, and Steve thinks he probably already knows.

That night, Steve learns that Bucky doesn’t do any actual work during the time he’s looking at the screen. He’s mostly checking Facebook and playing Candy Crush.

He also learns that Bucky doesn’t make much money, and that’s why he’s got a very shitty apartment, near that supermarket – that’s completely predictable, though.

What’s not predictable I the way Bucky tells him more personal information than ever. Stuff about his school days and how he struggled with the big city thing in his first weeks here.

It’s surprising, both that he opens up about himself and allows Steve to open up as well. And it’s also really good, to just know that Bucky loves tea just as much as coffee, and that he buys big clothes ‘cause they’re more comfortable, and has never ever watched a movie in this very cinema.

Their fifth week in that desk ends before Steve falls asleep on top of it, thankfully. It’s not that the conversation isn’t interesting, he’s just really, really tired.

Bucky’s hair flies with the wind out in the street, while they walk to the coffee shop, that’s very close to the cinema. Bucky insisted on not going on Steve’s motorcycle. He claims that he likes to walk, and that’s nice to know as well.

Steve notices after a few steps that Bucky’s thin coat is not doing a great job, ‘cause he shivers and wraps his arms around himself.

Steve’s about to do the cliché gentleman movie thing and hand him his leather jacket, when Bucky’s fingers grab his wrist, leading him into a small coffee shop.

He’s both startled by Bucky’s sudden move and disappointed by the warmth inside the shop, ‘cause that means he can’t do the gentleman movie thing.

They sit in a small table by the wall, right in front of each other. Bucky looks well acquainted with the place; he gets up to get their orders, and even talks briefly to the barista before returning to his chair.

The barista was _clearly_ flirting with him, and he didn’t even notice. Steve’s mildly offended by how pretty and hot and _oblivious_ Bucky is. (But that’s mostly because they’re not boning. If they were, Steve would be _totally_ okay with all that.)

“Here’s yours.” Bucky hands him a cup while sitting down.

Steve smiles openly at him, as a ‘thank you’, and sips on his black coffee happily.

“God, you smile _so much_.” Bucky mumbles. Wait, that’s not the intended reaction. Bucky doesn’t look mad or annoyed, he’s just casually sipping on his tea, not looking at Steve. It could be just a comment. Still, his smile falls from his face, replaced by a wounded look.

“Is that bad?”

Bucky looks up from his cup.

“No. It’s good for balance, actually.”

“Balance?”

“Yeah. Like, I almost don’t smile at all, but you do it all the time. Balance.”

Oh. Is Bucky suggesting that they complete each other? That can’t be it. This is _Bucky_.

But it _is_ a thought Steve appreciates, a lot.

He smiles once again to keep his mouth from saying something embarrassing. They drink silently, Steve kind of leaning against the wall, nearly falling asleep, and Bucky more alert than ever, taking the opportunity to watch Steve’s facial features better, even if he doesn’t know that.

“Why do you like to hang out with me so much?” Bucky blurts out, a couple of minutes later, startling Steve.

“I don’t know.” He answers, shrugging. “You’re nice, sometimes. And you have some funny stories to tell, even though _you_ never smile with them. And you’re pretty much mad about everything, which is funny to watch. Actually, you’re pretty. Could have stopped there. Nice to look at.”

That’s the moment he wishes he’d just went back home. If he were in bed right now, he wouldn’t be saying shit like that.

Bucky’s not saying anything, and Steve’s not sure if that’s good or not. He’s come to know Bucky pretty well, but not _that_ well.

He’s about to apologize, ‘cause that’s pretty much all he can do right now, when Bucky talks again.

“Is this a date to you, Steve?”

He considers the question.

“No, _this_ is ‘friends having coffee together’. Unless you want it to be a date. If you don’t, then it’s not.”

“Good, I don’t do relationships.”

 _Yeah, thanks for the reminder,_ Steve thinks.

Like he didn’t already know he doesn’t stand a chance.

“That’s alright. We’re _friends,_ Bucky.”

So Steve’s fake. Like, fake as hell. He’s not doing anything about it, though. It’s better if Bucky thinks he’s okay with being just friends, that he doesn’t want to pin that slim body on a mattress and have Bucky moaning his name – anyway, stuff that friends _don’t_ do.

The subject is pretty much over after that, and they go back to normal. They even have a small argument when it’s time to pay, ‘cause Bucky doesn’t have enough money in his wallet, so Steve pays for him, which makes him very mad. Steve wins the argument (as in, gets Bucky to shut up) by saying he’s got a fair amount of money to spend and this doesn’t bother him.

The cashier seems to find the entire thing really funny. Her name is Summer, and her smile and the way she talks makes it pretty obvious that she’s a cheerful person and the name fits her very well. It’s like Summer is summer and Bucky’s winter.

Steve loves winter.

(He doesn’t. He hates cold. But if Bucky were winter, he’s pretty sure he would love it. Not that he loves Bucky. Also, he needs some sleep.)

When both of them get outside, it’s almost two in the morning.

“So, I have to go back to the cinema. My bike’s parked there.”

“No way. You’re asleep already.”

“Well, I have to go home, Bucky.”

“No, you don’t, _Steve._ ” Bucky looks at him pointedly, and also very cold, so Steve rips his jacket off and places it on his shoulders.

(Hell yeah, gentleman movie act _done_.)

“I think you shouldn’t go back there and then drive home. Ride. Whatever."

"What do you suggest?"

Bucky looks like he's considering his options.

"You can sleep in my couch." Is what he says, and surely not what Steve was expecting.

"What if someone robs my bike?" Wait, that's not what Steve wanted to say at all. He's not supposed to refuse this in any way.

"You look like you have enough money to buy another one." Bucky answers, smiling the pretty smile.

Steve smiles back, and it's over.

\--

Steve happens to find out that Bucky's skills in the kitchen are awesome, the very next morning.

Like, really awesome. To the point where Steve eats a little bit more than he can take, almost killing himself eating pancakes. Death by pancakes, would be funny on the news.

Also, Bucky's couch is really, really very much uncomfortable. At a certain time during the night, Steve actually considered grabbing his jacket and leaving. He's not sure how Bucky manages to live in this apartment, and with this horrible furniture.

He ended up deciding to stay. Not even his king size bed is worth the effort and the walking.

After their breakfast, Steve gets the feeling that he can see Bucky's uncomfortable in his every move, like he clearly doesn't want company, or maybe feels like Steve's trespassing his boundaries.

He stays to help with the dishes before leaving with a small wave, leaving Bucky alone at last.

Walking back to the cinema to get his mortocycle, Steve notices that he doesn't know what makes Bucky so interesting and endearing, but he's very glad for every second Bucky's been in his life.

Their differences don't get in the way of their friendship - not their social status, jobs, tastes, nothing. It's like Bucky said, they kind of complete each other. Platonically so. As best friends.

He brings Bucky back to his apartment twice - and he's still amused by how, the first time, Bucky had looked around in pure awe, taking in all of his big and well-decorated home and muttered ''I shouldn't have showed you my place, Richie Rich", even though it's probably not that funny.

It's becoming an habit –  _Bucky_ is becoming an habit, an stable part of his life. It feels like they've known each other for their entire lives, and not almost two months.

\--

It's a big surprise when his bell rings at 2:45am.

What's even more surprising than that is the person that did it. It crossed Steve's mind as he walked to the door that it could, and probably would, be something related to work, or the manager of his building, anyone, but not Bucky, wearing the grey sweater that brings out his eyes, with his hair all messed and his brow furrowed in confusion.

What gets the 'Most-Surprising-Thing-Of-The-Night' award, though, is the fact that Bucky's undeniably drunk. Steve stares at him, door open, and thinks of what he's supposed to say in this situation. And then suddenly he's worried, 'cause  _this_ can't mean a good thing, right? Something really fucked up must have happened for Bucky to go after him in the middle of the night, drunk, unexpectadly. He doesn't  _look_ hurt, but it could be anything.

Or probably not, judging by the way Bucky smiles the very moment he spots Steve by the door.

And then he's crossing the small gap between them, basically jumping on Steve, his legs wrapping around Steve's waist, his hands taking Steve's shoulders, surely believing Steve will not let him fall ass-first to the ground. Which is true, obviously. Steve holds his waist as fast as he can manage and tries his best to keep his balance, so neither of them fall.....

So maybe  _this_ gets the award.

It's the most sloppy kiss ever. Bucky's mouth presses against his, and opens Steve's mouth to push his tongue in, with no warning or hesitation. Steve holds Bucky's waist closer, giving in to the kiss, even though he knows that he shouldn't. Bucky's lips fall to his neck shortly after, kissing and biting there, giving him the opportunity to say something.

"Bucky, what are you trying to do, exactly?"

The kisses on his neck don't stop, but Bucky does answer. "I'm  _trying_ to have sex with you. You're really hot, and I can't take this anymore.  _So_ sexually frust-, no that's not it." He raises his head from Steve's neck, looking at him confused.

"Frustrated." Steve offers.

"Yes, that. Can't pronounce it. Let's have sex."

Without giving Steve time to think about all that's happening right now, and it's a lot, Bucky glues their lips together once again, kissing Steve with everything he's got.

There's nothing Steve would like more, but not like this, with Bucky drunk and vulnerable. 

"No." He says, pushing Bucky away and forcing him to stand on his feet once again.

" _Yes_."

" _No_."

"C'mon, Steve." He tries to kiss Steve again, but he's faster this time, backing away before Bucky can get close enough. 

An idea comes to Steve's mind, and he thinks it might not work, but it's the only one he's got, so he'll try anyway.

"Alright, we'll do it."

Bucky smiles and tries to kiss him again.

"Not here, Bucky." He says, his hand pressed against Bucky's chest firmly. He can feel Bucky's warm body under the sweater, and can see his obvious erection, and he does think about what the hell it is that he's doing by refusing  _this,_  but at the same time he knows it's the right way to face what's happening right now. "Wait for me laying in my bed, right?"

Bucky nods and walks away, towards the bedroom, giving Steve's ass a weak slap. 

Steve takes his time. He closes and locks the door once again and paces around the living room trying to take it all in. Not only is Bucky drunk, but he was clearly thinking about Steve. Also, he confessed to find Steve a hot person. Also, he wants to have sex with Steve. It's too much to absorb in the middle of the night, with a very sleepy mind. He figures he's not bothered by Bucky's behavior (not  _at all_ ), and he is flattered by all of this, but it was not the right time to do it, any of it. His lips still burn from how hard Bucky kissed him, and despite everything, he likes it. He'll want to do it again, and again, and probably once again after that, but he's not so sure about how it's going to be in the morning. If Bucky tries to fight Steve for wanting to kiss him again, though, Steve's already got a really good answer:  _''it's your fault"._

When he finally decides to go check on Bucky, a few minutes later, he finds him passed out in his bed, much for his pleasure. Bucky's all spread out, on his back, undressed except for his boxers. Steve tries really hard not to check him out, but he's only human, so he notices just how hot Bucky is. Which is  _really_ hot. 

But he's a  _gentleman_ , and that's why he turned Bucky down in the first place, so he adjusts the pillows and covers Bucky with a blanket. He leaves for the kitchen and returns with a glass of water and some aspirins, leaving both of them on the nightstand before heading to the living room. 

The couch it is.

\--

 

The couch _sucks_.

There’s enough light in his living room to wake a bear in hibernation state. Steve gets up way too early for his taste, specially considering that he spent two hours awoke after what happened.

Naturally, Steve goes for his morning run to the bakery, and returns with stuff for Bucky to make pancakes. So maybe he’s thinking too much ahead, but. Bucky’s pancakes taste great.

He walks inside his room to find a half-asleep Bucky, looking very cute and very hangover.

“Morning.” Steve whispers, sitting on the bed beside him.

Bucky just nods to show him he’s acknowledged Steve’s presence. Steve notices he’s drank the whole glass of water, and taken the aspirins.

“Are you okay?” He whispers, once again.

“Yes.” Bucky says, his voice hoarse, eyes still closed.

“Will you make me pancakes for breakfast?”

Bucky smiles, and nods.

“I need to change. Still on my boxers. Can you?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

Steve leaves him and waits in the kitchen, sitting in one of the chairs and checking his phone. Bucky walks in a few minutes later, dressed in his clothes from yesterday, holding the glass in his hands, with his hair in a bun. It’s something Steve’s never seen before, Bucky with his hair tied, but he likes it - too much for friends, but it’s not like they haven’t overstepped boundaries here.

“I’ll get to the pancakes.” He says lowly, and does just that.

They don’t talk about anything. Bucky makes pancakes silently, Steve makes coffee silently, they eat silently, glancing at each other sometimes. Steve’s worried that Bucky’s got a headache or something, but Bucky seems just as normal as always. Except for how he’s not even trying to look interested in conversation.

“Thanks for the pancakes. Great as always.” Steve says when they’ve finished.

“You’re welcome. Least I could do. After, um. Yesterday.” Bucky answers, looking anywhere but in Steve’s direction. When he does, he’s got a look Steve can’t describe, and one he’s never seen before. “I’m _so_ sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“Steve, I showed up at your door, at night, drunk, kissed you, and tried to talk you into having sex with me. How can I possibly be not sorry for that?”

“You have really good drunk memory.”

“Steve, I’m serious.”

“ _Bucky,_ I’m serious too. Don’t be sorry, I don’t mind.” He offers Bucky a small smile, trying to say it’s really okay.

“You don’t mind? Oh my God, you’re such an idiot.”

Steve’s smile falls, and he’s actually annoyed. “That’s rude. I’m not an idiot.”

“Maybe not, but you’re being one right now. Seriously, I stepped over every boundary last night. I _kissed_ you, Steve.”

“I. Don’t. Mind.” Steve sits forward in his chair to get closer to Bucky, trying to make the words pass the hard concrete wall around Bucky’s mind.

Bucky gets up, grabs the dishes silently and walks around the table to get to the sink. He washes the dishes just as silently, while Steve gets up and dries it, putting everything in place right after. It’s so domestic, it makes Steve’s stomach all weird.

When they’re finished, Steve leans against the counter with his hands on his pockets, watching as Bucky dries his hands off and turns to look at him.

“You don’t mind that I kissed you?” Is the first thing he says.

“No.”

“And that I want to have sex with you?”

“Nope.”

“Steve-“

“No. Listen, it’s flattering that you want to have sex with me, it really is. Just, I know you’re not looking for a relationship, like me, and you were also very drunk, so I wouldn’t let you do that, of course-“

“Of course you wouldn’t.”

“Yeah, so. I didn’t stop it ‘cause I wasn’t enjoying it.”

Bucky smiles at him, widely. It’s the pretty smile.

“So you were enjoying it?”

Steve cleans his throat, and focuses on the ground instead of answering. He can’t just admit he wants to have sex with his best friend, okay?

Which, wait. He sees Bucky as his best friend. The realization is pretty satisfying, although Natasha won’t be as happy as is. Well, she doesn’t need to know.

But then again, he can’t tell Bucky he was enjoying the whole thing.

“You _were_ enjoying it.” Bucky says, and then he laughs a little bit. He gets closer to Steve, closer and closer and closer, until he’s right there, his whole body radiating heat into Steve’s. They’re not touching anywhere, but the proximity is overwhelming. Bucky raises one hand and touches Steve’s neck. “I left a hickey here, did you notice?”

Steve takes one deep breath. He wonders if Bucky’s just toying with him, or if he’s really as interested as he looks.

“No, I didn’t notice.”

“I think it should be darker. Your skin tone is nice for these things.” Bucky says with his usual voice, like he’s not trying to be seductive anymore. But, well. Everything about Bucky _is_. “Darker would look nicer.”

And then Bucky leans in and latches in Steve’s neck, sucking right on top of the small red mark there - that Steve _did_ notice, this morning, but he’d rather pretend he didn’t.

Steve turns his head to the side to give him better access, and takes his hands out of his pockets to place them in Bucky’s hips.

It doesn’t take long until Bucky pulls away from him, looking at his neck.

“Yeah, this way’s nicer.”

He looks up at Steve. Their eyes lock for a moment, and Steve doesn’t know what to do, what to think, how to react to this sudden reckless and provocative Bucky.

Bucky’s willing to decide for him, apparently. He leans in, still looking at Steve like saying ‘you can stop this if you want’. Steve doesn’t say anything, ‘cause he does _not_ want to stop this, as Bucky leans closer and closer until his lips are touching Steve’s, their eyes closed.

It doesn’t take more than to small pecks until Steve loses his shit. He wraps his arms around Bucky tightly, yanking him even closer so their bodies are touching. Bucky raises one of his hands to Steve’s head, and the other one to his arm, like he’s trying to get his fingerprints inked on Steve’s body.

They make out for what seems like hours, but must be probably just a few minutes. Bucky’s tongue sliding against his, Bucky’s breath, Bucky’s hands holding his body, Bucky’s body being held by his hands, everything about the situation is completely hypnotizing and Steve can’t think about anything else other than this, other than the way their obvious erections brushing against each other, giving them a little bit of pleasure every time.

He’s the first one to break the stream of kisses for long enough to talk.

“What are we doing?” He asks, out of breath, with one of his hands on Bucky’s face, thumb stroking his cheek slowly.

“We… are kissing.”

“Yes. Will this lead to anything else?”

Bucky stares at him for a moment, his warm hands still itching on Steve’s upper body, everywhere they’ve touched, specially where they are now, in his shoulders.

“It could lead to something else, if you want to. Would you like a blowjob, Steve?”

Steve kind of chokes on air, even though he can see Bucky’s just playing with him to see what his reaction might be. Not a good one, from where he’s standing. It looks like Bucky liked it, judging by his smile.

“No, I meant, like-“ Steve tries when he’s able to talk again. “I meant, emotionally.”

“Oh.” Bucky looks disappointed. But Steve _had_ to ask, ‘cause he can’t afford having his heart broken right now. Or ever. He’s doesn’t take this sort of thing very well. “You know I don’t do relationships.”

“Yeah, heard that sentence a fair amount of times already. That’s why I’m asking, Bucky. I’m okay with us _not_ having a relationship, but I don’t want you to just walk out of my life.”

Bucky looks mildly surprised for a second, and then his brow furrows a little. Steve can almost hear his brain working.

“I won’t. Can we just- like, friends with benefits?”

Steve’s not particularly fond of that option, ‘cause it could go wrong in a million ways, but he’ll take what he can get. “Yeah, okay, friends with benefits.”

They’re kissing again the next second, glued to each other, acting like they can’t tear apart.

But just for a while. It doesn’t take long until they both pull away to take their shirts off – in Bucky’s case, The Sweater – and gaze at each other’s bodies openly.

Steve’s so glad, _so_ glad he can look now.

Bucky’s everything happens to be perfect – his abs, chest, shoulders, arms, even the small imperfections in his skin. He seems pretty caught up in Steve’s body as well, green eyes skimming all of what’s right in front of him.

But Steve’s sure they can do this some other time, so he decides to take control. He places both his hands on Bucky’s shoulders and turns them around, so that way Bucky’s back is against the counter, and Steve’s in front of him.

He allows his eyes to drink in all of Bucky once again, before moving his hands from Bucky's shoulders to his waist, and then to his pants. He undoes the button, looking down - to avoid Bucky's eyes, mostly, 'cause this is getting kind of embarrassing.

He pushes the pants down Bucky's body, lower and lower until they reach the ground, and then does the same with the boxers.

Bucky shivers slightly when he's completely naked, and Steve wonders if he's ever seen anything as beautiful as this.

He kneels before Bucky, hands exploring his thighs and ass, before wrapping one of them around Bucky's shaft.

Steve pumps it intently, looking up at Bucky - who happens to be looking down at him, as well - and trying to make every movement of his hand the best one Bucky's ever had.

Without giving the green-eyed angel above him any warning, Steve wraps his mouth around Bucky, getting a gasp and a low _'fuck'_ from the other, which only gets him going even harder. Steve gets as much as Bucky in his mouth as he can, covering the remaining piece of Bucky's dick with his hand.

He works his mouth and hand real good, up and down, until he can hear Bucky's breathing hitching and feel his stomach clenching. Steve goes harder then, giving Bucky his best - he removes his hand from Bucky's cock and places it on his hip, keeping him still, as he gets more into his mouth, until it reaches his throat.

"Steve- gonna," Bucky gets out before his whole body tenses. Steve looks up at him at the same time a load of cum fills his mouth, to watch a flushed gorgeous man, with his eyes closed and his fingers grabbing tightly on the edge of the counter, as he moans loudly.

Steve works him through the end, and then removes his mouth and hands from his body, in order to get up.

The moment he's face to face with Bucky, he can see just how flushed he is, and how deeply he takes each breath. There are a few straps of hair falling from his bun. Steve absolutely loves it.

"You're good with that." Bucky comments.

"College." Steve can't contain his smile. He's not even worrying about his own not-so-little problem. Just getting Bucky like this is already pretty satisfying.

Of course, he's not at all mad that Bucky seems to think differently.

He places both his hands on Steve's waist and turns them around, so they're in their former position, and kisses him once again, while also opening Steve's pants.

Once Steve's just as naked as Bucky, he tries to kneel in front of Steve, but the blonde one doesn't let him.

"I'm too worked up." He says, and it sounds like an apology. "Another time."

Bucky returns to his upright position, grin on his face. "Another time, then."

He goes for the easiest way to get Steve off right now, wrapping his hand around Steve's cock and pumping it fast.

It doesn't take too long until Steve loses control, coming all over his stomach and Bucky's hand, moaning and panting until the last wave of pleasure.

He feels really tired, sticky, and happy. Bucky looks just the same, except a little annoyed with the cum in his hand.

Steve's about to apologise for that when Bucky starts licking his hand clean. Which. Yeah. Steve's not sure he's breathing right right now, so he takes in a lot of air just to make sure.

Bucky laughs at him and walks away, leaving Steve to 1.try to breathe again and 2.check out his amazing ass.

Steve follows him shortly after. They shower together, and then get in bed, naked, tangled in each other everywhere. Steve does get a mouthful of hair during their nap, but it's still the best sleep he's gotten in the last year, at least.

\--

Steve wakes up with Bucky wrapped around him everywhere. It might be one of his favorite feelings in the world.

He looks down at Bucky's face, drinking in slowly every curve of his bones, his eyelashes, the way his hair falls over his ear.

So maybe he's not doing really good on the 'friends with benefits' front.

In the last month, Steve's noticed that he's a lost cause - every time they go out together, Steve wants to hold Bucky's hand, or kiss his cheek when someone else looks at him, or even at home, alone, he wants to cuddle and kiss just for kiss. He wants to give Bucky every single thing he can afford and Bucky can't. He's basically just dying to do stuff couples do, plus spending his money on Bucky. He's not really sure if that fits in the couple description.

The thing is, he knows he wants more, from the beggining of this messed up relationship with the green eyed angel, but he _was_ sure, when it started, that he could just ignore any feelings that came to happen. Now, he's not that sure.

Knowing that Bucky doesn't want a romantic relationship, though, Steve just follows his leads as to what's acceptable and what's not. (Which happens to be pretty disappointing, 'cause not many things are acceptable. Of course, he'll take what he can get without complaining. Much.)

Today, after a night of drinking and dancing on a club with Bucky - and he's sure it was not decent dancing -, Steve's feeling the urge to pee, really hungry, and hot wherever Bucky's body is touching him.

He gets up slowly, making sure that Bucky's still comfortably asleep, and goes takes care of his needs.

After a short shower, he eats the remaining slice of pizza in his fridge. It's not like it can be considered breakfast if he's waking up at noon, so he's totally allowed to eat that.

He lays down to watch TV after that, just waiting for Bucky to wake up.

"Morning." Steve turns his head to see a very naked Bucky, with his hair all messed up and his eyes almost closed. Gorgeous.

"Morning."

"Sleeping here is becoming an habit."

Steve doesn't know how to answer that. Can he show how happy it makes him that it's happening, or...?

"I gotta go, though." Bucky interrupts his thoughts, and then goes back to the bedroom. He comes back a few minutes later, dressed in his jeans and a T-shirt. Steve's T-shirt. "Borrowed this. Just so you know."

"No problem." Steve turns back to the TV, just so he can pretend he's not affected by Bucky wearing his clothes.

He's kind of forced to look at Bucky a moment later, though, 'cause there's a very hot guy sitting in his lap, each leg on one side of his body. So maybe Bucky knows exactly how to get his attention.

Which is proved within seconds, when Bucky kisses Steve passionately, tongues and all, like it's the only thing he wants to do right now - and Steve totally forgets anything else. He's pretty sure he drops the TV remote, but who knows. He's too busy to check on that.

"And I borrowed your toothbrush, too." Bucky murmurs against his lips. "Now I really gotta go. Bye."

He leaves after a few more kisses, making Steve 1.confused by his mood and intimacy and 2.feeling like there's nothing else to do in his big apartment now that there's no Bucky inside it.

Bucky's gonna be the death of him.

\--

Steve gets a call from Natasha that same day.

"You wanna go out for some drinks tonight?"

"Can I bring a friend?"

And that's settled. Steve didn't ever tell her about Bucky, at least not in detail, but he figures it's time she meets his new friend.

\--

"Just so you know, he's not very talkative."

"Steve, I'm pretty sure you're friend is okay."

They're sitting in a pub, drinks on their hands while they wait for Bucky. No one else was able to make it - not even Tony, who's always up for this sort of thing, so it will be just the three of them.

Also, Steve's pretty sure he'd describe Bucky as a lot of things, that go far beyond 'okay'. But of course, he and Bucky have an agreement: they won't tell anyone about their... Other agreement.

Bucky arrives shortly after, thankfully breaking the awkward silence between them, sitting close to Steve.

As they drink, Bucky seems to get more comfortable, and joins the conversation actively. Steve doesn't fail to notice that he and Natasha get along pretty well. It's nice, this, and if he touches Bucky more than necessary and watches every facial expression that graces his angelic features, he can just blame it on his drinks.

But he's pretty sure he's not letting Natasha notice anything.

After about two hours of talking and drinking, Bucky gets up and goes to the bathroom, leaving Steve and Natasha alone at their booth.

"Friend. I should've noticed you'd never bring just another _friend_ with us." Natasha murmurs as soon as Bucky gets out of sight.

Steve's not so sure now.

"What are you talking about?" He tries.

"Are you serious? Are you two in a relationship, Steve?"

Steve stays silent for a second. Does what they have count as a relationship? He doesn't think so. But still, if Natasha thinks so, then that's what it must _look_ like, right?

"Not a romantic one, if that's what you wanna know. But... friends with benefits."

Natasha does exactly what would be expected from her - stays silent for a moment, looking at him with an incredulous expression, and then raises her drink to her lips so she won't have to talk. Obviously, she does talk as soon as she puts it down again.

"You're not good with casual, Steve."

"I know that. But I'm not, like, in love with him or anything like that."

"Well, if you're not yet, you will be."

Their conversation ends when Bucky returns, but Natasha gives him a look that he knows well. She's not letting this go.

After what Natasha said, he stays more distant from Bucky, who certainly doesn't notice, and tries to think about it. Is he mixing things up? Is he imagining things that are not there? She didn't mention anything about _Bucky_ looking whipped; does that mean he's the only one who's falling here?

"I think I'm done drinking. Already drank too much last night." Bucky's voice brings him back from his thoughts. "Can we go, Steve?"

Steve smiles widely at him, both because Bucky mentioned their drinking last night (that led them to blowjobs) and because of the proposition that they go home together. He forgets about Natasha's presence for a second, and his mins blanks out with Bucky. Only Bucky.

So maybe Natasha is right, Steve thinks while riding his motorcycle with a very warm Bucky plastered on his back.

He _is_ falling hard, and not doing anything to stop it at all.

\--

Steve forgets everything that happened that night (specially his conversation with Natasha) the moment he sees Bucky completely naked in his bed.

He still doesn't know when he's gonna get used to the sight, but he hopes it's never, 'cause that means he'll always find Bucky beautiful.

"Won't you join me?" Bucky whispers from the bed, gazing at him with piercing green eyes.

Steve starts undressing immediately, throwing his clothes somewhere near him on the ground, and sitting by Bucky's side the moment he's totally clothing-free.

"I meant _join_ me." Bucky gives him an annoyed look with humour on his eyes.

"Why are we whispering?" Steve whispers back.

"'Cause it's sexy." Bucky smiles at him, and Steve just has to kiss those lips. It's not even want anymore, it's _need._ Every second he spends by Bucky's side has him completely bewitched, like there's nothing else to look at, and no one else in the world he could ever kiss, or have sex with.

He doesn't _want_ those things with any one else. Steve wonders if he might be falling.

Which reminds him of his conversation with Natasha earlier today, so he decides on getting his mouth busy. By kissing all of Bucky's torso, until he's down where he wants to be, and where Bucky definitely wants him to be.

Steve stops right on top of Bucky's cock, his breath making the guy under him shiver slightly.

"Will you just begin already?"

"I'm sorry, it's just-" Should he ask the question?

"What do you want to do?" Bucky asks, every trace of annoyance showed seconds before gone from his features.

"Ah, you know, I'd like to finger you."

Bucky stares at him for a long moment, and Steve's about to get up and away from him, and say he's sorry and shouldn't have asked. It's just who he is, always worried about how others might feel. What if Bucky doesn't want anything like that? Steve keeps on slipping and forgetting that this is not what friends do. But then again, friends don't even touch each other's cocks.

"I can see you panicking." Bucky says, smile gosthing on his face. "You can do it, go on." He finishes, laying back down and staring at Steve expectantly.

Steve nods eagerly, and starts giving Bucky's cock small licks. Then he takes Bucky fully into his mouth, doing the thing with his tongue that has the man under him taking deep breaths.

Steve then proceeds to do the thing he's been kind of dreaming with for a little while. Since they started this, to be honest.

He gives Bucky's hole a small lick, hands holding his hips still so he can get his tongue as far as it can go inside Bucky.

He starts flicking it, pushing it in and out of Bucky's body, until he hears the moan he's been searching for. That's when he pulls away, getting up and heading to the nightstand.

He turns around with a bottle of lube in his hands to see a very annoyed Bucky, looking at him with his 'why-did-you-do-this-to-me' face.

Steve gives him a small smile, moving back to his former position between Bucky's legs, while coating his fingers in lube. Bucky's impatient, like waiting a few more seconds for this could kill him.

When Steve finally pushes one of his fingers in, Bucky whimpers, moving his hips a little to adjust. When Steve _moves_ that one finger to brush against the spot, Bucky moans loudly and cover his face with an arm. Steve keeps on stimulating that spot repeatedly, until Bucky's panting beneath him, and also a beautiful shade of pink, flushed all over. He thinks Bucky doesn't even notice when Steve pushes another finger in, and then a third one. It's a vision, Bucky shaking and breathing fast, his hips trying to move along with Steve's fingers.

The only warning Steve has before Bucky comes is a long moan and the clench on his fingers. He watches the scene before him, watches as every drop leaves Bucky's body and waits for him to come down from his high, before pulling his fingers out of Bucky's body.

Steve bends down to lick every trace of come on Bucky's stomach, and then starts moving up, towards Bucky's mouth, so pink and kissable.

"Came untouched." Steve whispers once his mouth is directly against Bucky's. "You're gorgeous."

He knows that's not something he's supposed to say, and that Bucky probably doesn't want him to, but it's like the words have no effect on the other one whatsoever, judging by the way he doesn't answer, wrapping his hand around Steve's length instead.

He pumps and moves his wrist as they kiss, Steve holding himself up with strong arms, body only hovering over Bucky's.

Moments later Bucky retreats his hand and pulls Steve's body closer, until their torsos are touching and Steve can lay his elbows in the mattress. He gets the clue Bucky's giving him, and starts moving his crotch against Bucky's hip, little noises coming out of his mouth and into Bucky's.

He's really close to the heavenly orgasm in only a few minutes, and what seals it for him is Bucky's fingers slipping down to the crack of his ass, hovering over his hole.

His whole body tenses as he comes on Bucky's hip, and he lets go of the kiss to tuck his face on the crook of Bucky's neck.

Bucky holds him close until it's over. When it ends, Steve gets up on his legs that are currently made of jelly and heads to the bathroom, gathering a washcloth to clean Bucky's hip.

When they're finally laying together, bodies flushed together, Steve can feel Bucky's breath steadying as he gets closer to sleep.

Steve's almost asleep by the time Bucky speaks from his arms.

"You're gorgeous too." Is the last whisper he hears that night.


	2. Understanding

Steve’s halfway through his work day on a Thursday when his boss shows up at his office.

“I need you for something.”

Well, that’s not exactly new. Steve’s one of the best workers of S.H.I.E.L.D., he’s almost _always_ needed. That doesn’t make him less curious. What could it be this time?

“Shoot, you know I’ll do it.”

“Okay, so.” Nick says, making himself comfortable on the couch by the wall right in front of Steve’s desk. “You know we have a company party on Saturday. I need you to bring a date.”

So. That’s not exactly what Steve was expecting.

“Uh. Why?”

“We’re dealing with young people now, Steve. Most of the people coming are really rich young, and a lot of them british, and I figure they’re probably what you’d call nice.”

Long silence.

“I need to show them we’re as acceptant as them.” Nick completes, sensing Steve’s lack of understanding.

“By showing them a gay couple?” Steve can’t believe this.

“By showing them one of our best employees is gay, and we treat him and his boyfriend just as nicely.” Nick pauses for a second, and thinks for a moment about something. “We do, right? Treat you just as nicely?”

“Yes. What do I gain with that?”

“Nothing.” Nick says simply.

Steve considers it for a moment. It would be probably fun to actually bring someone to a company event. Not to mention it would be _new_.

“C’mon, Steve.” Nick presses. “This kids like that sort of thing.”

“You mean equality?”

“Whatever. I’m asking nicely. As a friend, and not as your boss.” Steve gives him a skeptical look, until Nick shrugs. “I don’t know, whatever gets you to do it.”

“Well. I don’t have anyone to bring.”

Steve would rather die than admit that he’s actually really embarrassed to say so. It’s not pleasant to say that you’re basically incapable to have a relationship with anyone. And what he has with Bucky is _not_ a relationship, _no._

“What? You?”

Steve just nods silently, once again embarrassed. He’d rather not comfirm it out loud.

“Bring loverboy.” A voice rises from the door, and they both look up to face Natasha leaning against the doorframe.

“No.” Steve rushes to say.”

“Wait, who’s loverboy?” Nick interrupts, looking in between the two of them.

Natasha walks into the room and sits by Nick on Steve’s couch. “It’s Steve new friend. Really hot, would look good in a suit.” She comments casually.

“I can’t ask Bucky to do this.” Steve butts in before it’s too far. “He’s gonna think I’m trying to make this something it’s not. We’re just friends.”

“Then tell him just that.”

“Yes, tell him just that.” Nick agrees while getting up, ready to leave. Steve _has_ to do something about this _now_. “I don’t care if you’re friends, boyfriends or husbands, you’ll bring him, and this is your boss speaking.”

“What happened to friends?” Steve shouts when Nick’s already out of the room, and doesn’t get any answer.

Then he turns back to Natasha, trying to gather all his annoyance and make it clear to her.

“Are you trying to get Bucky to never talk to me again?”

“Stop being so dramatic.”

“No, listen. He’s made it really clear: he does _not_ want a boyfriend. Asking him to pretend to be mine? Doesn’t sound like something he would like.” He explains.

“Again, cut the drama.” She says, shaking her head. “Just tell him exactly that. It’s _pretending_ , if he starts a state revolution because you asked him to do that, then he’s not _even_ your friend.”

When Steve doesn’t answer, she gets closer to his desk, placing the files he’s asked her yesterday on top of it.

“Listen.” She continues. “You’re worrying too much. Oh, and I told you you’d fall in love with him.”

“I didn’t fall for him, Natasha.”

“Alright.” She starts walking backwards, towards the door, with her hands up in redemption. “Bye.”

Steve should’ve known she’d have that idea. He should’ve known he’d do whatever she asked him to do. Natasha has always been dangerously manipulative.

\--

That night, Steve doesn’t get the chance to talk to Bucky, but on Friday morning it’s one of the very first things he does, over he phone. They talk for a long while about nothing in special, Steve washing the dishes and doing the laundry with the phone on speaker, and Bucky laying in his bed, voice suggesting he’d been asleep not long ago. He still sounds happy, mostly because he’ll get a nice bonus from the cinema this month, which makes him sound like a seven year old on Christmas with their new bike. Steve finds it weirdly adorable.

That is, until silence falls between them and Steve decides it’s the moment to ask him.

“So, uh- you know S.H.I.E.L.D.? Where I work?”

“Yeah. You getting a bonus too?”

Steve laughs loudly, glad Bucky’s in a good mood today. Maybe he can get away with this. He’s more calm now he’s realized that this is Bucky, his best friend, whose dick he’s touched. Amongst other things.

“I don’t need a bonus.”

“I know.” Bucky laughs, and Steve can tell that the pretty smile is probably on his face right now. “But what about it?”

“We’re having a company party on Saturday to welcome our new partners. And my boss wants me to bring someone. Like, to show everyone that S.H.I.E.L.D. has no problem with… gayness.”

Bucky stays silent for a moment. Steve’s almost dying already, and the conversation is not even over yet. Bucky’s hesitation isn’t helping his anxiety at all.

“You’re asking me to go with you, right?”

“Yeah. And to pretend to be my boyfriend. Preferably one I’ve been with for a long time.”

“Can I say no?” Bucky mutters.

Steve can’t help but feel a bit disappointed. But then again, this is going exactly where he expected it to go. “Of course you can.” He says instead. “My boss won’t like it, but. Well, I guess I’ll just find someone else to go with me.”

“No.” Bucky replies instantly. ‘”I’ll do it.”

“Really?” Steve blurts out, a little bit too loudly, but he’s just _really_ happy.

“Yeah, calm down.” Bucky says, but not without humor in his voice.

“Okay, so.” Steve starts. He then proceeds to give Bucky his instructions. Everything about the suit, shoes and possible needed details about their fake relationship. Bucky only comments and makes a displeased noise every once in a while. He’s not at all happy to ditch his sweats on a Saturday night, even though it might be nice for him to leave the house – and go somewhere other than Steve’s apartment – at least once.

“Okay, I’ll do it because I’m your friend.” Bucky concedes at last. “Just know I’ll be very uncomfortable on a suit. And I’ll look like a homeless man who got rich, with my hair.”

Steve laughs out loud at that, feeling like lately that’s all he does. And have outstandingly good orgasms, of course. “You’ll look gorgeous as always.”

There’s a pause right after that.

“You think I’m gorgeous?” Bucky sounds serious and curious.

“Well, yeah. I mean, I _have_ sucked your dick countless times. And kisses, and all. So.”

Steve wants a hole to open in the floor under him and swallow him whole. It will be so much easier to live in the depths of hell, where not even Lucifer will have the same effect on him as Bucky does. Probably. At he’ll get to hang with some really cool gay people.

Thankfully, Bucky just laughs like he’s not bothered Steve mentioning everything. (Steve just knows he is. They never talk about it, is the thing.)

“Okay, at what time do you pick me up tomorrow?” Bucky changes the subject, much for Steve’s happiness.

“Eight.”

“Are we going on your bike?”

“Nope. Car’s gonna take us.”

“Fancy. See you then, bye.”

Steve goes on with the rest of his day wishing he hadn’t said a damn thing.

(If he only knew Bucky was actually flattered by the compliment and happy to help Steve, specially in such a fun way, Steve wouldn’t feel so bad about it.)

\--

Saturday comes without a hitch. Steve spends most of his day watching tv, waiting for not so patiently for the night to come.

For one, he and Bucky have never treated each other even in a remotely romantic way, so it’s probably gonna be weird. Everything between them is done in a pure rush of desire, flesh in control of brain. There’s no spark of love; they don’t kiss unless there’s something else in mind; when they go out together, there’s no holding hands or any displays of affection at all. That’s just how they are.

How are they supposed to spend the night acting like a couple who’s fallen madly in love?

Of course, Steve’s also worried about making a good impression. These guys are very much important to S.H.I.E.L.D., and any good thing they notice can be vital for business, as small as it might be.

By 7p.m., Steve’s already showered, looking at the suit hanging in front of him. Bucky was right, obviously, it’s not the most comfortable thing to wear, much like heels.

( _Yes,_ Steve’s tried them once, at college. He’s not very proud of the videos. But then again, dancing in heels can be pretty hot, or so say the three guys whose numbers he got that night.)

Anyways, he’s looking forward to wearing it.

Regardless, he dresses up perfectly, the black suit clinging in all the right places, simple black tie contrasting with the white shirt under it beautifully. He’s gotta admit that letting Natasha buy his outfits is a considerably good idea. He looks better than presentable.

By 7:40, Steve’s getting inside the giant black car assigned for him and his date. It’s too much luxury for his taste, and he’s sure Bucky won’t like it either, but it’s not like Fury would spare any bills for an event like this.

At exactly 8, Steve’s waiting outside Bucky’s building. He watches what he figures is Bucky’s window for the next few moments, the lights going out and Bucky appearing right in front of him, shortly after, coming out of the elevator.

Steve can’t wrap his head around this. Not only is Bucky wearing a suit – a black simple one with no tie over the white shirt -, but his hair is also neatly arranged in a manbun on top of his head.

So maybe suits are not that bad. Actually, they’re the best thing to ever happen in history.

They greet each other with wide smiles.

“Never thought I’d see you dressed so neatly.” Steve teases – mostly to show that he’s not at all affected by the situation.

“I look hot, though.”

“That you do.” He has to admit. “I love the hair.” Steve reaches out a hand to touch the hair tied so carefully.

“You’ll mess it up.” Bucky bats his hand away, but there’s still a smile lingering on his face.

“Let’s go.” Steve says, laughing lightly.

They walk to the car silently, and stay that way the entire ride. It’s something Steve’s gotten used to by now: just being with Bucky by his side without having to say anything. He’s grown used to this, and wouldn’t trade it for the world. Except if it’s something involving Bucky and mouths and dicks.

When they finally get at S.H.I.E.L.D.’s building, there’s already a fair amount of cars parked.

As Steve’s about to open the car’s door to get out, Bucky’s hand grabs his arm, stopping him.

“Am I gonna suffer too much?” He asks, voice low. Steve can’t see his face, but he can tell by his voice that Bucky’s really, actually nervous. Which is totally understandable.

“I don’t think so. Just remember, I’m your boyfriend, okay? So if you’re, like panicking, just hold my hand, or hug me, or kiss me, you’re allowed. But maybe not too much. PDA makes people uncomfortable.”

Bucky actually laughs at that, surprising Steve. Good surprise.

They walk towards the building hand in hand, following others into the big conference room. The giant wood table and its chairs were replaced by small ones, each one with a group of six people sitting around it. There’s enough space for everyone, and even a dance floor. Steve’s always amazed by the conference room, because the company doesn’t even have _that_ many employees, but every time there’s a party he understands why it’s so big. Also because Fury doesn’t spare his money, probably.

There’s music playing in a good volume, just filling up the room softly. Steve and Bucky find their table easily. They’re seated with Tony and Pepper and Clint and Bruce. The latter isn’t really a couple, and that’s exactly why they’re sitting together, just to fill those two chairs in their table. Of course, they’re absolutely important for the company as well.

Suddenly, about fifteen minutes after their arrival, Natasha shows up at their table, dressed flawlessly in a dark blue dress, red hair contrasting in the most gorgeous way. Steve’s sure that if he were straight, he’d hit that. If Natasha wanted to, obviously. Which would be unlikely.

“Nick wants to introduce the team to the new partners. Right after his speech, we’re supposed to meet him there.” She says, pointing to a table filled with men and women who look very powerful. Steve’s intimidated already.

“All of us, plus Thor.” She completes, before heading to her own table.

The music stops gradually, and everyone turns to look at Fury, who’s standing in the middle of the dance floor with a mic on his hands.

“I know it looks like I’m about to drop a sick verse, but no.” Laughter fills the room. “Now, we all know that S.H.I.E.L.D. is the best one out there when it comes to protection. I’m thrilled to announce that the british here,” He points to a table by his right, not looking even slightly thrilled, “are very much smart, and therefore our new partners. That’s why we’re here tonight. A toast to everyone who’s got a contract with S.H.I.E.L.D.!”

The celebration really begins after that – waiters distributing expensive alcohol everywhere, the music coming back louder.

“Time for our act. Ready?” Steve whispers in Bucky’s ear.

Bucky shakes his head no, but still gets up and joins the group in their walk to the other table. They all stand behind Fury shortly after, waiting for the moment they’re introduced. Steve’s arm is around Bucky’s body, and it’s like the ground beneath him is more firm, and maybe this won’t be hard at all.

“Now, this is our best security team. They’re the ones protecting your computer systems. Except for Thor here, he’s in control of your street protection team.”

All of the british shakes everyone’s hands. They’re all young, maybe Steve and Bucky’s age, and every single one of them looks at Steve’s arm around Bucky. None of them look displeased. So maybe Nick’s plan _is_ working.

“I’m slightly intimidated.” Bucky mutters after he shakes hands with a gorgeous woman, making everyone laugh, although that’s most likely not the intended reaction.

“No need to, love.” Steve says, placing a kiss on Bucky’s hair (that, as always, smells good).

“Are you too a couple?” The woman, Laura, asks.

“Yep.”

“My brother’s gay.” One of the guys, named Matthew, _probably_ , blurts out. When everyone turns to look at him, he looks only mildly embarrassed. “Sorry, that was inappropriate. You guys look great together.”

“No problem.” Steve says, at the same time Bucky says “thanks”.

They look and smile at each other, clearly not paying attention to the conversation around them anymore. As a man called John talks about business, Bucky wraps his arm around Steve’s waist, getting closer to him until his right side is warm. Neither of them is paying any attention – they’re mostly just looking around, watching everyone dance and talk and drink.

“Wanna dance, babe?” Steve asks Bucky when the conversation has thankfully taken a pause. It’s mostly to free himself of the boring subjects being discussed, but it’s not like he won’t enjoy dancing.

“Ballroom dancing?” Bucky looks incredulous, like saying it’s not really his thing – and Steve wouldn’t expect anything different -, but he still seems to sense Steve’s lack of motivation to stay around these ridiculously rich people, so he takes Steve’s hand ad drags him into the dance floor. Steve only has time to wave back at his team and the british, and heave a sigh.

As they get in the dance floor, there’s slow music playing, a few couples dancing slowly to it.

Steve pulls Bucky closer, his hands automatically resting on his waist, as arms fold around Steve’s neck loosely.

It’s awkward at first, just swinging in circles together while looking into each other’s eyes deeply, but like everything with them, it doesn’t take long until the awkwardness fades and they start having fun.

“I think John is watching us.” Bucky whispers in his ear, closing even more the already small space between them. “Do you think we look like a couple?”

“Yeah.” Actually, Steve’s not sure. He’s not even sure about how a couple looks usually.

“I like them. Weird accent, but they’re cool. And so is your team.”

“Thanks. My team is really great. Is he still looking?”

Bucky nods slowly, and then returns to his normal position, a little bit more of distance between them.

Steve thinks this might be their chance to look like a proper couple, so he just bends his head down and kisses Bucky. It’s just lips against lips, moving slowly, and even Steve could mistake it for a kiss between lovers.

They stop dancing, instead focusing only on the awesome feeling of each other’s lips. There’s no rush in it, no desperation, nothing of the usual.

Neither of them takes it to a full making out session, which wouldn’t be appropriate for this situation anyways, so it’s good.

They just kiss until the song changes into something faster, the beat making everyone around them dance vigorously, and the mood is broken. Bucky pulls away and smiles at Steve, the pretty smile that only comes out once in a while, making Steve’s breath halt for a second, or more.

The smile lingers for longer than it ever has, and when Steve looks around, there’s John looking at them pointedly. So of course Bucky’s just keeping their act believable.

Steve realizes right then that all this is not hard at all for Bucky, and that he’s the only one here who’s not taking anything good from this situation. While Bucky’s having fun, drinking expensive wine and having people turning their heads to look at him and all his gorgeousness, Steve’s only getting hurt – it sucks having to pretend to do something that he would rather do for real.

But the world’s still spinning, and he’s learned to ignore his feelings in order to do what’s needed. He forces himself to smile back as they walk side by side to their table.

When they get there, Steve sits on his chair once again, But Bucky decides he needs a visit to the toilet, leaving Steve alone with Tony and Pepper.

“Where’s everyone?”

Tony points at the dance floor, where Steve can see all his friends dancing happily. He smiles, mostly because of Natasha, who can walk like the most gracious human on Earth, fight like no one else, but can’t dance to save her life. It’s really funny.

“I’ve never seen you so happy.” Pepper interrupts his watching.

Steve looks at her, confused.

“Than now, I mean. You literally glow around him.” She supplies.

“Oh. We’re just- we’re friends.”

“Really? From what I’ve seen, it looks like you’re ready to get married.” She smiles.

Get married? Okay, no. It’s not like Bucky would ever. It would be nice, yes, to spend every holiday together, and wake up by his side, and have his pancakes every morning, and take long baths and do groceries and fight over which movie they’re going to watch. Every possibility crosses his mind in mere seconds, and then the final one, that he verbalizes so Pepper can hear: “Not gonna happen.”

He leaves it at that, and realizes how bitter his voice sounded. Pepper shoots a look at Tony and doesn’t say anything else. He feels guilty and thinks about apologizing, but Bucky’s body sinks down on the chair right beside his.

“Hi.” Bucky mumbles. “I ran into that guy John in the bathroom. Well, he followed me there, I guess.”

“What happened?” Steve’s eager to know. Was the man rude to Bucky? Does he deserve a smackdown?

“He told me it’s very nice that we’re brave enough to be so out. I thought he was going to be like, ‘mate, don’t be gay around me’ or something, but I think he was saying that _he’s_ not brave enough.”

“Oh, that’s why he was watching us, then.”

“Yeah. Guess your boss’ plan has worked.”

Steve hums in agreement.

Pepper and Tony leave to dance about ten minutes later, and they stay seated, the same comfortable silence as always filling their space. At some point, Bucky takes Steve’s left hand in both of his and starts playing absentmindedly with his fingers, which sure makes Steve’s heart beat faster, even though Bucky does it like it’s nothing big, and it probably isn’t.

“Do you wanna go home? It’s almost midnight already.”

“Can we?” Bucky turns to him immediately, suddenly looking eager to leave.

“Of course.”

They say their goodbyes and the last ‘nice to meet you’s’ of the night, and then ask for the security guard at the door to call their car. As they wait, the cold air has both of them drifting closer to each other, until they’re properly hugging.

_It’s no big deal,_ Steve tells himself. _Just a hug_.

The car ride is as silent as the first one, but still different, ‘cause this time Bucky invades his space in the backseat and lays his head on Steve’s shoulder.

When the driver asks them where he’s supposed to go first, Steve asks Bucky what he would rather do, but all he gets for an answer is a quiet snore, so he just tells the driver to take them back to his apartment and tries not to think about how cute it is that Bucky’s fallen asleep on his shoulder, one of his hands on Steve’s knee.

He fails miserably. It’s definitely the cutest thing ever.

When they get to the end of the ride, Steve carries Bucky all the way to his floor, where he’s forced to wake the man in his arms and put him down in order to open the front door, which is disappointing, in the least.

They brush their teeth and go to bed wearing only their underwear, each laying in a different side of Steve’s ridiculous and uselessly giant bed.

“Can we cuddle?” Bucky whispers into the dark.

Steve answers by taking Bucky’s arm and placing it over his waist. Suddenly they’re spooning. Steve falls asleep with Bucky’s breath repeatedly touching his neck, thinking about how confusing all of this is.

They do stuff ‘friends’ don’t, okay, that’s settled. But all that happened tonight? Meaningless kisses, holding hands, cuddling? It’s too much for him to understand. He falls asleep still not sure whether he _wants_ to, either.

\--

Bucky’s pancakes in the morning are _so_ welcome. Not only them, though. The entire eating-on-the-balcony’s-floor and then Bucky-laying-his-head-on-Steve’s-lap is awesome.

Of course Steve takes the opportunity to look at Bucky with all the attention to the details. From Bucky’s closed eyes to his cheekbones, lips and nose, his ears, everything that’s currently bathed by the sunlight is gorgeous.

Steve can’t really contain himself. In a moment he’s crouching down awkwardly to touch Bucky’s lips with his.

When he backs off, Bucky’s got a mildly terrified expression. For a second Steve’s heart stops beating, and he thinks Bucky might ask him what the fuck he’s doing.

Surprisingly, Bucky just sits up straight and kisses him once again. They’re sprawled on the floor, legs in different directions, lips just touching again and again.

It reminds Steve of the kiss they shared the night before.

“You have anywhere to be today?” Bucky whispers against his lips.

“No. Do you?”

“Work, but that’s not until two. It’s only ten now.”

“Wanna take a bath?”

Bucky doesn’t answer, but Steve takes his intimate smile as an answer.

They move to the bathroom in their usual silence, and the same goes for the first minutes of their bath. Steve’s learned that if Bucky doesn’t feel like talking, then they don’t.

They lay in the bathtub for an hour, just Steve holding Bucky tight in his arms while they exchange lazy kisses. It’s so weird how comfortable they are around each other in such an early stage of their thing, specially considering they’re supposed to be just friends.

After that hour, Steve feels like he could float through space and never land again. He’s terrified of his own feelings, so he just pushes them to the back of his mind.

“What now?” Steve asks once they’re dressed.

“I should get going.”

“Okay.” Steve can’t help it, he’s obviously disappointed. “I’ll walk you to the door.”

Once Bucky’s gone, Steve starts his – today, belated, - gym session, and then cleans up the house.

While doing all that, he can’t get it out of his head – not only have they acted like a couple for the last hours, but they also haven’t done anything sexual at all.

The real thing bugging Steve is, he’s enjoyed it way more than he should have.

He wonders if what he feels has grown into something dangerous. Before he can even get to a conclusion, he shuts his mind off forcefully by riding around town for about forty minutes.

It feels like therapy.

\--

Three weeks have passed since their remarkable bath.

During that time, Steve’s so busy with S.H.I.E.L.D. he can’t even find time to spend with Bucky.

Which means three weeks with no Bucky.

In theory, that would probably be really good for him; he could clear his mind (and body) of all the Buckyness impregnated in it, or maybe stop and think about all that they’re doing.

In reality, it was torture. It’s basically an experiment that proves that Bucky has opened a giant hole in his life and installed himself in it successfully.

So when Saturday comes and he’s finally got some time off, the very first thing he does is text Bucky, and it’s not like they haven’t talked at all, but they haven’t seen each other in person, and Steve’s got a giant bubble of needs that his hands can’t cover anymore.

 

_can you come over?_ He sends.

_yes_

_god finally_

_be there soon_

And Bucky does show up shortly after that, wearing one of Steve’s shirts, just a tiny bit too big for him, in the most charming way.

Steve cooks them the best dinner he can without burning the entire building down – that is, microwaved pizza – while Bucky watches.

“You’re shit.” He comments, laughing, once they’re already eating, Bucky sitting on top of the counter while Steve stands besides him. “Can’t even cook. _A grown man._ ”

“Go fuck yourself.” Steve says honestly.

“Nah, would rather have you do it.” Bucky sounds totally serious, except for the smile lingering in his lips, like saying he enjoys playing with Steve like that.

Dinner sort of goes downhill after that. Steve pretty much drops his half-eaten pizza back on the plate and busies his mouth in another way.

Bucky kisses him back, and suddenly they’re making out in his kitchen. And then walking/kissing all the way through the house until they get to Steve’s bedroom eventually, and with no bruises at all.

Steve practically pushes Bucky on his bed, roughness showing just how eager he is for everything, _anything_.

Steve undresses by the bed, watching as Bucky does the same while laying down.

“Okay, okay, come here.” Bucky pleads once they’re both stark naked.

Steve complies, obviously, and almost dies when he’s on top of Bucky, kissing and holding himself up on strong arms, and their hard-ons are pressing against each other’s hips, and it’s _so_ much after _so_ long.

Bucky rolls them around, that way he’s the one hovering over Steve. They move so Steve’s more kind of sitting, Bucky straddling him.

“I mean it, you know.” Bucky whispers on his ear, hand tracing a line o warmth on his shoulders, legs caging him.

“Meant what?” Steve asks, out of breath.

“That I want you to fuck me. Like this.” Bucky wraps a hand around Steve’s cock unexpectedly.

Steve puts his hand back on the mattress, completely ignoring his own screaming needs. He leans towards the night stand to grab lube and a condom – so, _so_ thankful for actually having it.

When Steve’s back on his former position, Bucky takes the stuff from his hands and starts with it. Steve thinks about asking to do it, but Bucky looks so sure about it that he decides not to argue. Bucky opens himself slowly, carefully, like Steve’s not even there waiting eagerly, which only makes the blonde one crave even more for him.

“Will you please get on with it?” Steve hurries. The man on top of him merely smiles, like all the teasing is giving _him_ pleasure. It most probably is.

Steve can’t see exactly what he’s doing, but he can hear the low noise of the slick lube against warm skin, and watch the way Bucky’s face changes eventually, showing him just how good it feels.

He’s got his hands on Bucky’s waist, holding him up, while Bucky has his free one grabbing Steve’s shoulder firmly for support.

Bucky’s little moans now and then, and Steve’s pretty sure he can’t take it much longer. It’s probably the most erotic thing he’s ever seen, even though he can’t _see_ Bucky fingering himself. Anyways, he’s about to take control of the situation.

Which he doesn’t need to do – moments later Bucky removes his wet fingers from his ass and grabs a condom. He rolls it over Steve’s cock, squeezing it just a little, teasingly, before giving Steve’s mouth a short, sweet kiss. This is the kind of thing that makes Steve completely confused about where he stands. He wants to fuck Bucky senseless, but he also wants to ‘make love’, or some shit like that.

He lets the green eyed angel decide.

Bucky sinks down slowly, taking him in inch by inch, the rhythm painfully slow. Steve does his best to stay still, and only succeeds by holding Bucky’s waist strongly, almost brutal.

When he’s finally bottomed out, both of them take a moment to breathe, Bucky’s warmth around him overwhelming, dizzying. They hold onto each other for dear life, kissing eagerly until Bucky feels ready to move – that happens after not too long.

When Bucky moves, Steve feels like falling into a dangerous trance, focused only in the sweet movements and stretch around his dick. Someone could come in and steal literally anything, as long as they left Bucky with his sinful ass moving up and down.

“Move with me.” Bucky mutters against his neck, a desperate edge to his voice. Steve can’t do anything besides obeying.

He revels in the moans that leave Bucky’s mouth every time he thrusts up, _into_ him, rhythm almost perfect.

Steve knows he’s found the golden spot when Bucky cries out loudly, sitting up straight to make it as good as possible for himself. He’s a vision, green eyes unfocused, lashes fluttering as he tries to keep them open, to keep looking down at Steve. His lips are hanging open, gorgeously, cheeks flushed.

When Steve knows he’s not gonna last much longer, ‘cause he’s only _human_ , he turns them around fast, returning them to their first position. Bucky lays underneath him, pliant and gorgeous, his legs hooked around Steve’s waist. The entire bed moves with them, every thrust taking both of them closer to their orgasms.

“Please- Steve, touch me.”

Steve doesn’t waste time, moving back a little to pump his cock until he comes, body tensing up and face showing inexplicable pleasure. Steve comes shortly after – he’s not sure if it was because of Bucky’s ass squeezing around his dick, or just the heat of the moment, but he _is_ sure that this is probably the best orgasm he’s ever had. Definitely.

They both stay in position for several moments, recovering from their highs, Steve’s head once again in the crook of Bucky’s neck, deep breaths coming from both sides.

“Get off me, caveman.” Bucky plays.

Steve does, laughing while laying down besides Bucky. It doesn’t take long until they’re tangled together again, legs intertwined even though they’re both sweaty and gross.

“How about a shower?” Steve suggests once his breathing returns to normal.

He doesn’t overthink any of this. It’s for the better.

\--

Steve spends the entire weekend with Bucky – it’s probably the best one this decade.

It’s not only that they talk, play and do stuff together. Now, there’s also the sex, and they connect in the most intimate way possible. Apart from mind-reading, but it’s not like they can do that anyway.

“Why haven’t we done this sooner?” Bucky asks against his lips on Sunday afternoon, after they’d done it for the fourth time.

“I really don’t know. I like it, though.” Steve decides on voicing his thoughts. “It’s very intimate.”

Something twists in Bucky’s instance right then, and Steve realizes his mistake instantly. Bucky sits up and clears his throat, looking around the bedroom, presumably for his clothes. When he finds them, he starts moving around, grabbing each piece and putting it on. When it’s only the shoes left, he sits on the mattress again, his back turned to Steve, who’s currently trying to find something to say. He doesn’t _want_ to apologize, but he feels the need to.

There’s no time to say a word.

“I should get going.” Bucky mutters once he’s ready, tying his hair up.

He looks mildly uncomfortable, shy, just as if he hadn’t ever met the man he’s talking to. “And. Uh. We shouldn’t, uh, overdose on it. We’re- friends. That’s all.”

Steve just nods at him, in a total loss of words. Bucky seems to reconsider, and gives him a peck before leaving.

Steve stays in bed for the rest of the afternoon, just thinking. Night falls and his phone buzzes, but he stays where Bucky’s smell lingers, on his pillow, until getting the unnerving urge to shower.

He thinks about the whole thing – about how important Bucky has become to him, how he thinks about green eyes and long fingers and beautifully tied hair  on top of a brilliant mind no matter where he is, or when.

About how jealous he is whenever someone does as much as shoot Bucky a look; about how he _always_ thinks Bucky’s magnificent and gorgeous and perfect all the time.

He’s in love with Bucky. That’s the realization that downs on him during his shower.

Showers are wisdom, is the second one.

Damn it.

Telling Bucky is exactly the thing he shouldn’t do – and the only one he _wants_ to do.

Still. It wouldn’t be good, losing his friend. So of course he won’t tell, not even Natasha, no one. Better to hide his feelings from everyone. It’s a shame he can’t hide it from himself.

Maybe if he sleeps on it, something will change.

\--

Steve wakes up to his phone buzzing incessantly on his night stand – the one where a bottle of lube still lays.

He throws the bottle inside the drawer and answers the phone.

“Do you ever read your texts?”

“Sometimes.” Steve answers sleepily.

“Well, Rogers, we have a trip to England in a month.” Nick continues, totally ignoring him.

“Alright.”

“I love it that you have no commitments. Or a life.” And then he hangs up.

_No commitments_.

Like he doesn’t think about having a relationship. One that keeps him grounded, tied up to the town because he doesn’t want to leave the boyfriend behind.

When Steve actually does check his phone, he notices all the twenty-three texts from Fury (most of them in caps, ‘yelling’ at him for being so useless and never answering), three from Natasha (about the movie she watched with Clint), one from Tony in their group conversation (about his new car-slash-toy), and none from the person he actually wants to talk to.

He types ‘I’m sorry’ in the little box and almost, _almost_ sends it to Bucky. Lacks the courage.

What he really does send is ‘are you on break on saturday?’.

The answer doesn’t take long: ‘no, get off at midnight’.

Steve manages to talk him into having a late night out after his shift, at that coffee shop near the cinema.

\--

Steve’s currently waiting all by himself, sitting on an empty coffee shop, waiting for Bucky. There’s still a couple minutes left until midnight. Natasha calls him before Bucky’s arrival.

“Where are you?”

“At a coffee shop.”

“Is Bucky there.”

“No.” He answers simply. How can Natasha always sense stuff before he even starts on the subject?

“Will Bucky be there soon?”

Steve doesn’t answer. Damn it, Natasha.

“Knew it.” She laughs. “When are you gonna admit it to yourself?”

“Admit what?” He asks, even though he’s already got an idea. Steve drops his head down to the table, forehead glued to it’s top, phone still in his ear, like that will make Natasha drop the issue.

“That you’re in love with him. C’mon, just say it.” She starts ranting after that, “Say it, say it, say it!”

“You can be _really_ annoying when you want to.” Steve says, mostly to Natasha – this close to the table top, it feels like he’s talking to the furniture as well.

“Just say, I wanna hear!”

“ _Okay._ Okay.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m in love with him, I need him, and I’m hopeless, and I know it, okay? And I know it will amount t nothing, but still. Very in love with Bucky.”

“Okay, I’m satisfied. Is he there yet?”

“No. Soon.”

“Alright, bye.” She just hangs up.

Steve remembers about the world around him, and that makes him sit up again, looking around for Bucky. Well, he doesn’t need to look far beyond the chair right in front of him. Shit.

“Were you telling the table that you’re in love with me?” Bucky jokes, kind of avoiding Steve’s eyes, and even through the small smile on his face Steve can tell he’s immeasurably uncomfortable.

Steve remains silent.

“Are you really?” Bucky asks, this time actually looking at Steve, attention completely on him. The only answer he gets from the blonde one is a nod. “Damnit, Steve. I told you I don’t date.”

“I’m not asking you to date me.” Steve watches as Bucky’s hands play together. His own hands are on the table, moving his phone around, just because.

“But…you’re—don’t you want it? You said you need me.”

“I do. But if—this is enough, Bucky. We’ll just go as far as you want to go. If you don’t wanna date, we won’t, obviously. I just don’t want to lose my friend.”

There’s a long minute of silence between them. Neither has ordered yet, so Steve does, followed by Bucky. The conversation only returns once their coffees have arrived.

“We won’t, then. I don’t want to.”

Steve can’t help the ugly disappointment that grows in his chest. It’s not like he had much hope, but still. The little bit that was left there was crushed by Bucky’s feet in heels.

“But we’re still friends?”

“Of course, Bucky, I just said that’s what I want.”

“But we can’t pretend that you’re not—“ Bucky looks kind of desperate.

“Let me deal with it, okay? Let’s just go on your pace and pretend I don’t have feelings at all.”

Bucky stares down at his hands for a few seconds, totally divided and confuse, clearly. It’s right there on his face for Steve to read. He, on the other side can’t deal with the fact that Bucky actually knows. His phone is vibrating in his hands, but the only thing getting any attention from him right now is Bucky. So yeah, nothing has changed, probably.

“Okay. But. We’re doing anything for a while.”

Steve doesn’t understand it, actually. It’s not like his feelings will go away, at least not any time soon, but Bucky doesn’t need to know that. As long as he can have him by his side, he’ll accept everything that’s offered, and gladly.

“Not doing anything, then.” He gives in. “But please don’t, like, start ignoring me, going missing for days, and stuff.”

“No, of course not.”

They finish their coffees and go home. For Bucky’s credit, he actually hugs Steve before going, even though he had looked very unsure about it at first.

So maybe this won’t be bad at all (except for how Steve already knows it’s going to be terrible).

\--

Sunday passes maybe a little bit too fast.

Steve spends the entire day tucked in bed with Bucky, just not _touching_. Basically just watching movies with a big bowl of popcorn in between them.

He’ll have to get used to it.

\--

“Can you not?” Tony yells over the loud club music.

“What?” Steve asks him, and then realizes it sounds like he didn’t hear. “What are we doing?”

“Isolate yourselves.” Tony waves between Steve and Bucky, pointing out how they’re clearly breathing each other’s air and sharing the same space. They’re also the only two not participating on the conversation, having one of their own about how Bucky needs to learn to treat people nicely – for a ticket seller, he’s a really frigid person.

Both of them feel mildly unsettled after that, mostly because two weeks ago they’d agreed that they wouldn’t be close in anyway until Bucky wanted to, and now they’re caught being really close – at least no one at this table knows about _stuff_. That being because Natasha didn’t come with them.

Two weeks ago, Steve had thought that being around the man he loves and keep his hands – and mouth – to himself would be torture.

He was actually completely right.

It’s been a little too hard. If he were one of those teenage drama queens, he’d say this is like dying.

They do pay a little more attention to everything around them after that.

When Bucky’s on drink 8, though, clearly drunk and sporting an even worse Steve by his side, Tony’s remark of their intimacy completely forgotten.

Dancing is also a very hot experience, Bucky’s body glued to his, sweaty foreheads occasionally touching, ‘cause they’re so close and the dance floor is packed. Close like this, in the dark space with loud music and strong arms around his neck, Steve could totally kiss someone. Specially a certain green eyed angel.

Drunk as he is, he does just that – closes the small gap between their lips, sticks his mouth to Bucky’s, fully ignoring the entire agreement they had. Everything is perfect in this moment, and Steve feels as if he’s floating, happy and satisfied and just _fine_.

That is, until Bucky backs off. Instead of the usual response he gets to his kisses, this time all he gets are hands pushing his shoulders, trying to get him away, and he complies, of course he does, because there’s no way he’d go on with something the other man wouldn’t want to do.

“We—we can’t. We—‘’ Bucky stops talking after that, his eyes gloomy and confused, the roots of his hair covered in a thin layer of sweat, and gorgeous as always.

He storms off, leaves Steve thoroughly stunned and lost in the middle of the dance floor. People around him don’t even have the consideration to stop dancing, which they should, because they’re making him dizzy.

He returns to his friends, nearly falling twice, and asks to leave as soon as he gets besides Thor, interrupting their conversation.

“Where’s Bucky?” Someone says. Who is it? Steve doesn’t know, he just wants to leave, wants to go home.

“He’s—can we go?”

“Steve, are you okay?” Bruce’s voice comes from the space right in front of him, but he can’t see Bruce, he’s—

“I’m gonna throw up.”

Thor guides him to the front door in surprising little time, murmuring ‘keep it in until we’re out’ several times.

Steve does, but as soon as they’re out on the cold air of the street, everything he’s drank leaves his body. Thor and Clint stand by his side, holding him up, Bruce’s looking around for a taxi and Tony looks, in the least, disgusted.

“We’re too old for this, Steve. I know you’ve been hanging out with that twink and all, but this?”

He’s interrupted by another gulf of vomit.

“Ugh.”

“Tony, now is not the time to do this.” Bruce cuts in. “Let’s drag Steve away from the door.”

Steve laughs a little at the idea of people ‘dragging’ him places. It doesn’t last long, he’s still throwing up by the time they get away from the front door, near a trash can.

Bruce speaks up ten minutes later, when Steve’s already partly recovered, and they’re all waiting for their cab.

“I think I found Bucky.”

He’s pointing at the wall besides the door of the club. There’s obviously Bucky, kissing someone in the most fervorous way, nearly on top of each other, even though they’re standing.

Bucky’s hands are in his arms. It’s the same way he’s kissed Steve so many times, the same hands that grabbed his ass, the same mouth that kissed him and sucked his dick. And even being a little drunk, he’ll have this moment in his memory forever.

Specially when Bucky moves away from the other guy a little bit, and everyone can see his face, before it hides on the crook of the green – eyed man’s neck. Of course he’s blonde, and very obviously muscular.

As the guy sucks or bites or maybe licks Bucky’s neck, there’s a pair of green eyes staring into Steve’s clear blue, intensely. It lasts until the time their cab arrives, and his friends drag him to the car. Even with three other guys on the back seat, all around him, he can see the green following him.

He manages to fall asleep without crying that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the third and last chapter will take a while now. I've got two weeks of tests coming, and I'll do my best to keep writing, but still, I can only tell you that it will be posted for sure, I'm not giving up on this.  
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Knowing

The trip to London takes a long time to come, but it does, eventually. Steve doesn’t hear from Bucky the entire time, nor does he want to. There’s only a number of times he can take a broken heart, and it’s probably been way too many already.

From the moment he landed, two days ago, his wonderful guide has been Peggy Carter – she drives and bosses around, shows him important places, goes along to every meeting with S.H.I.E.L.D. – she’s basically hired to be an amazing british young woman and help a very lost american.

She’s also been the greatest distraction from everything, so Steve’s almost falling in love with her. That is, if he had any interest in a _her_.

“How was the meeting?” she asks with a strong accent, as soon as he’s inside the car, ready to return to the hotel and take a nap, or maybe watch a movie.

“Boring as always.”

“Good. I was thinking we could have a coffee? It’s not very cold today, but it’s still good for something warm to drink.”

“Oh, so this is ‘not very cold’? Glad to know I won’t be here come winter. Let’s go, then.”

At the coffee shop, they talk about unimportant things, and Steve can’t pay all that much attention to anything.

“Good coffee, hun?” Peggy draws him out of his thoughts.

“Yes, very.”

“Yeah, now tell me what you’re really thinking about.”

Well, Steve couldn’t have expected her not to notice his lack of enthusiasm for anything at the moment. He also wouldn’t blame her if she were to be offended by his utter disrespect to the conversation.

“It’s just… I had this friend—not exactly, but friends, anyway, we kind of broke up. Our _thing_ , I mean. We used to go to a place like this all the time, you know, sometimes late at night and all. Guess I was just remembering.”

“I’m guessing it’s recent,” she said.

“Few weeks ago.”

“I get it,” Peggy says, already getting up and putting on her coat. “Now let’s go, you don’t need to stay here for too long. Think we should go to a club tonight or something. Tomorrow’s your last day here already, right?”

“Right.”

\--

Soon enough he’s by Peggy’s side again, this time headed to a night club. It’s weird to see her wearing something different than business suits, but the black dress falls perfectly on her curves, and she looks undeniably hot. Again, if he were to try a girl, he’d want it to be her. (Or maybe Natasha, but it’s not like Steve would ever, _ever,_ admit that to anyone.)

“You look good,” she comments, staring at his also well-dressed self. At least for once, he’s wearing a white shirt and fitting trousers, instead of his usual grey shirt and sweatpants. It feels weird to actually dress nice clothes, after having spent the entire day in comfortable clothing, after taking off the suit he had worn in the morning, at the meeting.

At least taking away the comfortable is getting results. If Peggy thinks he looks good, some guy will, too, eventually.

And then he can have some sex and forget everything that passed on the other side of the world.

They walk through the place hand in hand, trying not to lose each other in the mass of people.

The very first thing Peggy does is drink some shots, while Steve decides he can only watch – after the drinking disaster a few weeks ago, he’s been keeping himself as ‘clean’ as possible.

The incredible amount of booze Peggy drinks has an amazing effect on her, shortly after starting. She’s not her usual self anymore, all business-like and badass. Instead, she’s grabbing his hand and taking him to the dance floor, smiling way too much, looking happy as ever.

Peggy’s not that happy three hours later. Now, she’s sort of falling asleep, tired and shoeless, both of her heels in Steve’s hands as they find a cab to go back to his hotel—because of course she won’t tell him where she lives, so he can drop her off, so they’re obviously going to his hotel.

“Carry me to your bed, Steve.” Peggy slurs, so drunk Steve can barely understand the words that merge with her accent.

When Steve tries to drop her on the couch—which is as far as he can get with her kissing his neck, so _no,_ there’s no time to take her to the bed—she holds tight and doesn’t let him.

“Kiss me, Steve.”

Steve stops right then, shocked, completely still and speechless.

The similarity of this with Bucky’s situation, when he was drunk and tried to do this, is astonishing, and also brings back memories Steve would rather not have to relive right now. Or ever, for that matter.

Which is one of the reasons why he takes he hands off of his neck forcefully and creates as much distance between them as possible. And of course, because she’s drunk as shit.

Standing besides the couch with his knees against the coffee table, Steve tells her no, exactly how he should’ve done with Bucky when this happened, seemingly so long ago. Except that Bucky is a man, and a very handsome one, and Steve couldn’t have been more attracted to him if he wanted.

“I’m sorry, Peg, I don’t—I don’t do girls, I’m—“

“What?” she stares at him, confused, eyes blinking every two seconds, “But your friend…”

“A man.”

“Oh.”

She stares at him for a little while still, before turning her back to him, clearly not sober enough to care about anything right now. Or awake enough, actually. She’s asleep within seconds.

Steve goes to his room and gets a blanket, which he puts on top of her. After that he goes to bed an tries to sleep, failing miserably because green eyes won’t leave his mind, and he wants those thin lips all over him, once again.

When he does fall asleep, it’s whishing he’ll wake up to find Bucky sleeping by his side, like magic.

He knows there’s no such thing.

\--

Steve spends the last day in London walking around the town, and takes his plane back to America at night.

Peggy apologizes no more than once, and quickly returns to being bossy and badass. She’s the kind of woman that everyone should be afraid of. Specially man who might have hurt her, which is why she actually gets Steve to apologize himself for not liking girls, something he’d never thought he would do. She only laughs at him, though, and surely a friendship will come from there. They even switch numbers.

The flight back is impossibly calm, except for his always-running mind.

\--

Bucky is in his bed.

As soon as he walks into his bedroom, happy to be home once again, he notices the handsome man laying there, just staring at his phone like nothing big.

The moment he spots Steve, he blocks his phone and puts it aside, getting up and walking closer.

Bucky hugs Steve, close and warm and this is weird, why is Bucky here, why is he hugging Steve, what the hell is happening?

Steve is completely paralyzed against him, body slack and breath stuck in his throat.

“I missed you,” Bucky murmurs against his neck, and he doesn’t answer, _can’t_ answer, everything is so confusing.

Steve’s mind returns to work and he’s finally able to push Bucky away and look right at him. “ _What_ are you doing here?” It comes out angrier than he’d intended, but maybe it’s because everything is coming back, and he’s quickly getting mad.

“I thought you’d like to see me,” Bucky says, as confused as Steve had been moments ago. “But clearly not. I’m sorry, I just—“

“You reject me, kiss another guy in front of me, makes sure I know you don’t like me the way I like you, and then show up at my house thinking I would like to see you?”

Bucky stays silent, looking at him with wide eyes, and Steve remembers something Natasha said to him years ago. “You look very scary when you’re angry”, she had said. And maybe it is true, considering Bucky is taking a few steps back and avoiding his eyes. He forces himself to calm down.

This time, his voice is much lower and steadier, when he asks once again, “what are you really doing here?”

“I wanted to tell you that I’ve changed my mind.”

Steve gets closer to him, closer and closer until Bucky’s back is against a wall and Steve’s right there in front of him, breathing the same air.

“Does that mean I can kiss you?”

Bucky closes his eyes, nodding slowly, smiling just a little bit. Not Steve’s smile, but it will do, and _God,_ Steve missed him so fucking much.

So they do kiss, strong hands gripping arms and tongues tracing each other’s mouths. Steve has missed this so much, _so_ much, he cannot put it in words at all.

Bucky slowly pushes him towards the bed, and Steve just lets him, completely powerless against the charm of his green eyed lover.

Moments later, he’s sitting on his bed against the headboard, shirtless and panting, a very warm and beautiful Bucky sitting on his thighs, and endless stream of kisses.

His conscience tells him that maybe this is a huge mistake, and maybe Bucky just came to get in his pants once again, but at the moment he just pushes all thoughts aside and enjoys whatever this is, ‘cause he’s really in need right now. He’s always needing Bucky, anyways. Since the first kiss, and probably forever, or it feels like it.

Bucky leaves him right there in a few seconds, and he’s totally confused, opening his eyes to see the gorgeousness he’s been missing for almost a month now standing on the floor, taking all of his clothes off. Then he walks up to the nightstand, completely naked with hungry blue eyes on him, and grabs what looks like a condom and lube.

Steve can’t even think straight, so he takes a few seconds to realize he’s still wearing pants. Then he makes quick work of them, and yes, now everything is good, and soon enough Bucky will be back on top of him.

Except Bucky is just staring, still standing naked, and Steve feels mildly uncomfortable under his stare.

“What?”

“You’re gorgeous.”

“I know,” Steve answers, grinning widely, “You told me that once.”

Bucky grins back, and now _there’s_ the smile, and returns to his former position on top of Steve, finally. Now they’re both naked with their hard-ons pressing into each other’s, but still Bucky can look completely calm when he answers. “You told me I was gorgeous first.”

So yeah, he totally remembers everything, just as Steve does. He’s just not sure if that’s a good thing or not. Memories, one never knows when they’ll be nice or hurtful, at the moment they’re making those.

If there’s one thing he’ll always want to remember, no matter what, is the pretty smile Bucky still has on his lips, the moment he kisses Steve once again. Everything feels so great.

“Want to open me up?” Bucky whispers against his lips.

Now their lips are just touching repeatedly, no rush to it at all, even though they’re about to do something pretty wild.

Steve takes the lube from his hand, coats his fingers very well and brushes it against Bucky’s hole, just teasing at first, ignoring completely Bucky’s whines and looks.

Until Steve decides he himself can’t wait, and pushes it in fast.

In no time he’s already got three fingers inside Bucky, reveling in the moans and desperate pleas he gets from the other man every time a finger hits his prostate.

“Please, Steve, it’s enough, ugh—please, c’mon—“

Steve finally complies, after one more brush against Bucky’s sweet spot, just because he likes the noises.

It takes a few more moments before Bucky is holding his cock, covered by a condom and lube, and sinking down in it.

The feeling is breathtaking, like they’ve never done this before (which they have, lots and lots of times), and it feels even better each time Bucky moves, again and again and again.

Steve reaches his orgasm in no time, and Bucky follows him seconds later, with Steve’s hand rubbing him.

After, Bucky falls on his chest and breathes on his sweaty neck deeply.

“I really missed you, you know,” he says.

“Me too.”

“I need to say this, okay? Without you interrupting me with your beautiful voice,” Bucky tries again, this time looking at Steve, eye to eye. It sends sparks through his body, and he nods slightly to show Bucky he’s listening. “I’m in love with you. Realized it that night, when I kissed that guy in front of you, and all that bullshit. I pulled that act to show I could actually function without you by my side, but that’s only because I _knew_ I couldn’t. So I’m sorry. You’ve probably already noticed I’m not really good with any kind of relationship,” he pauses, thumb brushing Steve’s lips lightly, taking a deep breath before continuing, “and it’s killing me to actually tell you how I feel. You know I don’t do that very often. So I’m sorry I was such a dick, and I’m really, _really_ in love with you, and just hoping you could forgive me, maybe.”

“Are you saying,” Steve breathes, taking Bucky’s hand and kissing it, “that you’re willing to try and have an actual—something? Anything other than friends with benefits, I mean.”

“Yes, yes I am. But—“ he looks away, as if he can’t go on with the sentence.

“But?” Steve prompts him to continue.

“But I won’t be very good at it.”

“I think I can deal with your grumpiness,” Steve laughs, giving him a peck and feather touches on his waist. Bucky’s eyelids flutter as he says, “Now, can we take a nap? I did just fly from England, and business trips can make a man tired. Up, c’mon.”

Bucky does get up, smiling a little, and lets Steve lay down on his side, watching as he goes take a shower.

Steve doesn’t see him come back, falling asleep as soon as the heavenly vision of Bucky’s ass is gone, feeling thoroughly happy.

\--

“So what are you now, boyfriends?” Natasha asks them right as she comes inside Steve’s apartment.

It’s saturday and they’re all sharing the same table in his house, and eating the food that, miraculously, Bucky has helped cook.

He turns to look at Bucky, questioning.

“Yeah, guess we are,” the green eyed man says slowly, looking a little terrified. To be fair, Natasha is _totally_ terrifying.

She hugs Bucky tightly, like he’s already family, but doesn’t miss the opportunity to give him a little scare. “Don’t you ever do that to him again, okay? None of that shit. Also, I’m curious, how did you get inside his apartment in the first place?”

Steve hasn’t actually thought about that before, and this actually bugs him now. He stares at Bucky, waiting for an answer.

Bucky crosses his arms, making himself look bigger, and smiles proudly.

“I’ve learned I few tricks in life.”

Steve laughs at him, totally in love.

“He’s learned how to unlock my house _and_ my heart,” Steve jokes, and Bucky laughs at him, making face that says everything about the groans that rise from Thor and Tony.

“You two are unbearable,” Clint comments.

“Natasha, why did you have to tell Steve to go out and have some fun?” Thor makes a face at her, pretending to be angry.

“Yeah, well, you totally owe me for that,” she tells them.

“Yes, we do, thanks.” Steve answers, wrapping his arms around Bucky and smiling to Natasha. Bucky turns in his arms to actually kiss him.

“Okay, even _I_ can’t take this. Let’s eat,” she says.

Both Bucky and Steve laugh, into each other’s mouths, and everything is fine.

Thank God (and Natasha) for the day he went to that cinema.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks thanks thankssss to everyone who's read this, it means a lot.  
> Also a big kiss to my bff, who's asked for a fic with bottom!Bucky, and led me to this. Ily bitch, I ain't never gonna stop loving you, bitch (is that how it goes? not sure)  
> Anyways, that's it, thanks again, sorry I took so long to post this one :)


End file.
